Trump Good, Russian Hack a Lie

Real file photo of Wonderful World Leader PutinSource: Somewhere on internet so must be real WASHINGTON DC - Today's news bring joy as Leader Putin proved not guilty in any hacking of Amerikan democracy. Kremlin investigation and CFB prove without trace of doubt handsomest leader in world and strong man Putin not interfere in Election of chosen wise Pres dent of Amerika Trump. News good as world leaders stand up to applaud absolute openness of...

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Google's DeepMind Defeats the Toronto Maple Leafs

Three members of the DeepMind team during the opening skate. TORONTO, ON - DeepMind defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 5-0 in exhibition play last night. It was the first time an AI has won a hockey game against a professional team. Demis Hassabis describes this as "Phenomenal." "We've had a lot of difficulties trying to teach DeepMind to play team sports. Up to this point it was mainly basic video games and board games. But this...

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Derek Fildebrandt "Days without an Apology" Counter Set Back to Zero, Twice.

Derek Fildebrandt, MLA for Strathmore-Brooks poses  next to the official "Apology Counter" STRATHMORE, AB - The Wildrose Party officially reset the counter on the "Derek Fildebrandt days without an Apology" clock, a party insider revealed. The counter, officially located in their Edmonton offices, was also part of their campaign efforts, accompanying them when Fildebrandt, the MLA from Strathmore-Brooks - would tour his constituency and...

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Ghost of Allison Redford in Federal Building is Actually Allison Redford

A feral Ms Redford in the former "Sky Palace" EDMONTON, AB - Floors creaking, doors opening and shutting on their own and coffee brewing itself early in the morning when no one is around are just some of the hauntings that have been happening on the 11th floor of the Federal Building in Alberta. Teresa Daniell, who works in the former "Sky Palace" as a government assistant was shocked with some of the things she saw. "I swear it was a ghost!...

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Montreal Canadiens Sign Justin Trudeau

Justin Trudeau celebrates after his signing. MONTREAL QC - Justin Trudeau has signed a historic deal with the Montreal Canadiens for the 2016-17 season, GM Marc Bergevin confirmed at a media scrum Friday."We need an enforcer who's fit, and can score goals, and while he sometimes misses the mark, he still delivers strong," Bergevin stated. "And he plays some old-school style of hockey. We haven't seen elbows like that since the days of Gordie Howe."Trudeau...

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Canada Second Greatest Country to Reside - According to Canadians

A traditional Canadian home in a typical Canadian suburb TORONTO, ON - A poll this week of over 3,000 Canadians showed that Canada is the second greatest country to live in the world. Released by polling company Zeuters, it seemed every Canadian will not admit that Canada is the greatest country in the wold. While there is no specific agreement on what country is the greatest country to live in, Canada came in 2nd place 97% of the time. The country...

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McIver Throws Tantrum in Legislature over Wanner's Power Ranger Toys

Hon. Ric McIver (PC) MLA for Calgary-Hays in time out outside. EDMONTON, AB - Chaos ensued in the Alberta Legislature Building yesterday when PC Party Leader accused SPeaker of the House Bob Wanner of not sharing his Power Ranger toys. "It was a completely unnecessary distraction." Said McIver. "I mean, he shouldn't have brought them in at all, but once he did, he really should have been willing to let us all have a turn." It started when a...

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Notley's Government Budget Highlights

Yesterday, Alberta Finance Minister Joe Ceci and Premier Rachel Notley tabled the budget for 2016. Called the Alberta Jobs Plan, there were a few interesting tidbits in there (not to be confused with "Timbits" which were nowhere to be seen). Here are some of our favourites: Education and Employment $350 Million dollars to fund a Clown College located in Strathmore. This would ensure Derek Fildebrandt can still obtain meaningful employment once he retires as MLA. $1.2 billion to build a pipeline from Alberta to nowhere. The pipeline, initially...

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Justin Trudeau's Smile Cures Cancer in Patients

The Prime Minister, seen here after Healing a young girl. OTTAWA, ON -  A recent study set at the University of Ottawa may have finally found a cure for cancer. "We're extremely proud of this news. We did several trials where the Prime Minister came to visit children in the hospital and found that during his visits, the children made a full recovery. The members of the control group however did not." The study was done over the course of...

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Edmonton Oilers trade Rexall Place.

EDMONTON, AB - Oilers Entertainment Group and Katz Group held a press conference after this evening's game to announce the trade of the Rexall Place. "We just felt it wasn't enough of an on-ice contributor anymore," said OEG Cheif Executive Bob Nicholson. "An offer was made and we had to take it." A file photo of Rexall Place doing what it does best on the ice. image source: mastermaq After the game, many former Edmonton Oilers players came...

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Mayor Nenshi Announces He Will Run For Mayor of Montreal

Mayor Naheed Nenshi in this file photo CALGARY, AB - After almost a year of speculation, Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi has announced early on that he indeed will be seeking re-election in 2017, as Mayor of Montreal. "Part of my platform will be on building bridges with the West. Underground bridges. For the purpose of transporting goods. Like Crude, for example," an elated Nenshi said. Nenshi has gained a popular following across the country,...

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Literal Giant Dick Announces GOP Candidacy

Richards, 45, seen here at a campaign event in Wisconsin. MADISON, WI – A surprise late entry into the Republican Nomination Contest has left many stunned. Bishop Richard, a career penis of 45 years of age, has recently announced his candidacy for the Republican Nomination. And he feels his odds are very good. And, according to the 5'11” phallus, his odds are pretty good. “I've been a dick since Ted Cruz was born. And Rubio's comments regarding...

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