Editorial: An Open Letter to President Donald Trump

It's become apparent that being a news site is becoming more and more difficult. The Calgary Moose has always prided itself on being one of the most reliable sources of news. News that's completely unreliable, but that's besides the point.

Some people accuse us of being a news satire site or a parody news site, disclaimer at the bottom of the page notwithstanding. But it's becoming more and more difficult to come up with breaking stories that shock and offend without reliable sources when you, the President of the United States of America, beat us to the punch in 140 characters. So, Mr. President, we have a deal for you:

Purchase our site from us. We offer two options: $35,000 USD or $50,000 CAD. The US dollar figure is equal to one Gold Elite package at Trump University. The Canadian Dollar figure is in case you cannot figure out the math for the exchange rate.

So, what's in it for you? Firstly, we use Blogger, although you could take the name, hire some professionals, and vamp it up with some other website platform. The point is, Blogger is easy to use, comes with a spell checker built in for the next time someone "tapps" your phones, and you aren't limited to the pesky 140 character limit. You can use complete sentences! Secondly, you have a productive outlet the next time you have a hot exclusive news scoop and a news site - no matter how satirical, lends slightly more credibility to your words. Thirdly, you can lie on our website with absolute impunity, because if you get caught, you can just say "It's only a fake news site! It even has a disclaimer!"

So, President Trump, there's our offer. Because it's getting difficult to parody a sitting president who is beating us at our own game. Think it over, talk with your family - technically you aren't allowed to make money off our site while you're sitting as President, but your can make money and just... give you a password to post to the site. We'll be waiting for your response on Twitter. Please spell our twitter handle correctly, or we won't get the notifications.