Notley's Government Budget Highlights

Yesterday, Alberta Finance Minister Joe Ceci and Premier Rachel Notley tabled the budget for 2016. Called the Alberta Jobs Plan, there were a few interesting tidbits in there (not to be confused with "Timbits" which were nowhere to be seen). Here are some of our favourites:

Education and Employment

• $350 Million dollars to fund a Clown College located in Strathmore. This would ensure Derek Fildebrandt can still obtain meaningful employment once he retires as MLA.
• $1.2 billion to build a pipeline from Alberta to nowhere. The pipeline, initially earmarked for bitumen, will be used to transport all the jobs leaving the province to anywhere but here.
• $3.5 billion to build new schools... Or as the Calgary Board of Education calls it "A down payment on our headquarters and offices"

Environment

• $645 million dollars to create a new agency to called "Red Tape Efficiency Alberta" to harness the power of bureaucracy and turn it into an energy source.
• $2.2 billion for green projects, including transit. It's expected a commitment of three $10.00 Tim Horton's gift cards will be announced for Calgary before November.

Health

• $3.5 billion on new health facilities and equipment including $1.2 billion for the new Calgary Cancer Center, and $500 million on machines that go "bing." After all collective bargaining is completed, it's expected the remaining $1.8 billion will have vanished.
• Additional funds for mental health, focusing on ridings with strong support of Alberta Party and Liberal Party to help these people get in touch with reality and a little extra in Wild Rose Party ridings to support anger management programs. Ric McIver will be granted a personal anger management coach. Greg Clark will be given a role coaching NDP members who arrive late to vote a class on proper time management skills.

Other Notes

• $800 Million for refunding the carbon tax that is still being implemented. Because Red Tape Efficiency Alberta needs the energy provided by that delicious bureaucracy.
• $900 Million for affordable housing units, or as Boardwalk calls it "Our annual corporate welfare cheque."

These are exciting times for Alberta! Not since the era of Don Getty have we seen such a wonderfully balanced budget with an absolute plan to get Alberta out of debt. We are waiting for baited breath to see how these announcements are rolled out over the next year, and we'll be sure to report all of them!